I was recently hired at an advertising agency and only met with the creative director for the interview. The day I started work, I was introduced to my immediate supervisor and imagine my shock when it turned out to be my ex boyfriend.

Things ended badly between us as he caught me kissing another man and even though it never went further than that, he was convinced I was sleeping around and to be honest, how could I blame him? Anyway, I have been at the company for close to a month and call me paranoid but I feel like he is out to get me. He rubbishes every idea I come up with in meetings even when some people think it is a good one. He also yells at me when he needs something like he can’t be civil.

The other week, he set a meeting and told me it was at 10am the next day. I came to work usual time, which is 8am, only to find that the meeting was at 7am – he conveniently forgot to tell me that the time had been changed. When I confronted him he told me to get my act together or I would not be with the company for long. I don’t know how much more of his crap I can take. Some advice please?

Leah

Leah, I can feel your pain and I think you should set the record straight with that disgruntled ex-boyfriend of yours. Assure him that you were hired on merit. Tell him it’s unprofessional for him to yell at you at work and that he should just get his act together and give you a break. You dated and things didn’t turn out well, so? If he cared for you, he should have given you a chance to explain yourself about the kiss. But he walked away the second he saw you, forgetting it’s a small world we live in. If he is treating you like crap, I have a feeling if he was a doctor he would let you die on the table if given the option to save you. 

Allan Mugisha 

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Leah, I believe that dialogue is the best solution for your kind of problem and frustration. Go to your ex’s office one of these days and talk to him. Tell him exactly how you feel about his unprofessional behaviour, but don’t make him feel like you’re intimidated by him. If he doesn’t change then report his behaviour to the human resource manager. 

Diana Keza 

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I have actually found myself in that position before. I used to tell my friends about it and they thought I was exaggerating the story. Mine however, I broke up with him because I realised I didn’t love him anymore. He was bitter. Misery is when I got a great job years later and found him on the panel of interviewers! I wanted to die. I was hired but he made my life a living hell but I refused to give him the satisfaction that he was getting to me. I think you should do the same. Do not leave your job - show him that anything done with malice can never win. 

Janice K

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But women! You cheated on the guy (I refuse to believe that the kiss stopped at just that) now you wonder why he is bitter? I know he is being unprofessional but don’t you think you owe him an apology or explanation at least? He needs closure...and so do you. Only then will you both learn to get along.

Joseph

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You can’t blame a man for wanting a little payback. he is ina position of power - trust me - if a guy broke your heart like that, you would probably do the same. He can’t help himself, he probably wants to be nice but everytime he looks at you, all he sees is the woman who broke his heart. Naturally, he snaps! He is only human. Take time to sit him down and explain the events that led to your actions, it’s probably all he needs.  You owe him that much at least.

Patricia

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Let him style up! Is he the first one to get his heart broken? He needs to leave the past where it belongs. Do not let him bully you!

Gracie

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The Men Respond

»Collins: 

 Apologise

It is understandable that he is angry at you and doesn’t want anything to do with you after he caught you kissing someone else. It doesn’t matter if it went past that or not; it is betrayal that probably makes him question if he wasn’t man enough for you and why you were not just frank with him and tell him you wanted out.

Fate has a sense of humour and a way to humble you; you have now found yourself at his mercy. Quitting your job will not bring him the satisfaction you think it will; it will only be avoiding a long term solution. Ever since you cheated on him, have you thought of apologising to him?

After denting his ego like you didn’t care about him at all, an apology would go a long way to have him treat you better, let him know that not a day goes by that you do not regret what you did (even if you do not mean it), let him know that you are not mad at him for ‘punishing’ you.

At times all people want is admission of fault and an apology; it causes them to lose the urge to inflict further injury. But when all is sorted, do not try to get back together with him; it will be an insult to him. 

Collins, 26, is married

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»Patrick: 

Don’t let him make you miserable

I know you made a mistake while you dated him and I presume you have changed so I don’t think just because that happened, you should live the rest of your life feeling guilty. 

If he really understood work ethics, he would let your past go and not mingle work with personal squabble. Better still, he should have the decency to ask you sometime after work why you did what you did. It could be you never really made him understand what happened and why you stepped out on him. The fact that he shows no signs of stopping this nonsense says he isn’t done and there is more coming your way.  That isn’t the only job you can get; if this persists, walk into his office and tell him to put the past behind him. If nothing changes, it would be wise to get another job than waste your life being regarded incompetent and yelled at from morning to evening.  You never know, maybe sometime in future you will be his boss or maybe meet him when he is the one in need – and when that happens, just know that you are meant to be together because fate seems to be bringing you two together. Do what he doesn’t have the courtesy to do and act principled. He will eventually notice that he is acting like a moron and give up. If he doesn’t, find another job!

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship.

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 »Dean:

Call him out

It saddens me that your ex boyfriend is acting like a ‘pig’ and threatens to destroy a career you have struggled to build over the years. It is a clear indication that he still has not moved on from the past and from the way you put it, there is no indication that you two sorted things out.

Relationships are like "business partnerships” where one side might lose but since relationships can’t be tried in court, a different kind of court is brought into action; "the-relationship-court” which consists of close friends. This is the kind of court that you guys should have used to sort things out before things get really weird. However, time has run out and that awkward time is now at hand, what do you do?

You need to talk to him about his "childish” behaviours and how embarrassing it is when he yells at you. You are both adults and you should act mature about it. You don’t want your personal issues negatively affecting your work since he is even your immediate supervisor. If this approach does not work out, then you might have to seek assistance from higher powers like the Human Resource Manager, but only after you have tried talking to him and failed.

Dean, 28, is single