I met a guy online and we immediately hit it off. He was sweet, intelligent and sensitive. I decided to date him but after one month I broke off the relationship, because I couldn’t stand being in a long distance relationship.

Secondly, I have not had good luck in any of my previous relationships so I was scared that everyone who I got close to would hurt me. I ignored him for a long time. Later we got back together and it’s now coming to eight months.

However, there’s a guy I met at my workplace and he’s very kind and we "kind-of” have a thing for each other. I think I’m starting to like him. Sometimes my boyfriend doesn’t talk to me for a few days and I’m that type of person who likes attention, talk everyday and see each other at least once a week or more, I’m a very touchy-feeling person (by that I mean I like to be able to hug, kiss, hold hands, etc.)

And that’s exactly what this other guy does for me. Both guys are really sweet and are very close to me and I was really hoping this one would work out, but I just don’t know what to do. I need your advice. What should I do?

Diana

Dear Diana, 

Life is short; you cannot stay in love with someone who is miles away when you clearly know you are a ‘touchy’ person. You seem to be pleased with a guy you see around often and get to hang around. You cannot live your life waiting to be happy when there is a guy around you who makes you happy.

As any guy will tell you, it is easy to please a lady when you are having a long distance thing or an online relationship as she rarely gets to see a side of you. What if it is so with this guy? What if you two are having it easy because you rarely meet? 

You may feel guilty but you need to start living your life. Maybe this guy has someone else where he is living and he is not afraid to be in a long distance ‘relationship’ with you. Put yourself first because in the long run you might succumb to your ‘touchy’ feeling and sleep with this guy which might make you feel guilty since it will seem like you are cheating on your online boyfriend. 

The best feeling in life is being happily in love; don’t deprive yourself of this feeling.

Collins, 26, married

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Hello Diana,

I don’t think you deserve any of the two guys. Just because someone has a quality that the other person doesn’t have shouldn’t mean you move on real quick. Let me put it very well for you, YOU ARE CHEATING. 

If these guys are really as sweet as you say they are, then I think they deserve a better person. If you feel the guy at your workplace is giving you what you need, tell the online man that the relationship can’t work and you want to move on. You’ve heard people say that whatever you write online is never erased. What if the office man lands on one of your chats? 

You could lose both of them if you don’t get serious with one and leave the other. 

Finally, don’t jump onto someone else just because they have what your current man doesn’t have. That is being egotistic—I guess they also see a lot of imperfection in you but they don’t find someone else. 

Patrick, 23, in a stable relationship

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Hi Diana, 

You need to be careful while handling your delicate situation. I say delicate because you seem not to know how to tell who is real and who is not. 

The guy at your workplace might be taking a joyride considering your current situation. 

You need to ask yourself some questions; why am I in a long distance relationship? Is he worth waiting for? Does he love me or am I his fall-back plan? 

You may also want to talk to this guy at your workplace what his intentions are? So, he touches you and you kiss, then what? Those have never been requirements if you want to date someone. Long distance relationships are tiring and stressful and no one said it would be easy.

However, your approach matters a lot. First sit down and make up your mind on whom you want to a settle with because dating two at ago sounds like laboratory experiment to me. 

If you decide to continue with the online guy, put measures in place that enable constant communication between the two of you. Send each other gifts, write to each other often and be patient with one another. Don’t raise your antennas thinking that he might be cheating on you or something. You can’t run a long-distance relationship when you don’t trust each other. 

Finally, if you decide to go with a workmate, be careful to weigh how it is going to work out. Make sure the guy shares the same feelings as you do and not just because of proximity or taking advantage of your feelings as a person. Good luck

Dean, 28, single