I met my boyfriend seven years ago. We were both freshmen at the University. For me, I can honestly say it was love at first sight. After university, we continued dating and people said that we’re meant to be together, and that we would get married. I never doubted it for a second.

About a month and half ago, we got into a nasty fight and we broke up. That night I went out with my girlfriends because they wanted to cheer me up. There I met this guy, hit it off and before I knew it, we were at his place. Let’s just say I did something that I’m not proud of.

However, the next evening my boyfriend called, apologised for everything and said he didn’t want to break up, and truthfully neither did I. So he came over and we ‘reconciled’. Here is the problem though. I’ve just found out that I’m pregnant and there is an ugly voice in my head telling me it’s not my boyfriend’s – I don’t think I’m that lucky!

Basically, I’m not sure who the father is. I don’t want to lie to him but I’m also not eager to tell him what I did since he will walk out on me for good. How do I tell the guy that I love that I might be carrying somebody else’s child? 

Lillian

Apologise and start thinking about your future life 

Lillian, I’m speechless. From the tone of your letter it’s safe to say that you love this guy so much that you would like to marry him but you are not marriage material yet. We all sin but the most important thing is to try to atone for our sins and make them right.

By the fact that you haven’t told your boyfriend yet rules out that possibility and leaves only two options; abortion or lying to your boyfriend about the true father of the baby. This will put your future marriage in a predicament of building it on a lie. 

Marriage has its own problems which even escalate to the point that one party might temporarily shift to another bedroom. So, will you sleep with someone else? 

You need to first go for counseling to have the strength to talk to your boyfriend. Explain to him that you made a terrible mistake; ask for forgiveness and promise to work to gain his trust again. 

Right now you’re making a terrible mistake of thinking that you’ll become a mother and hide your partner who the father of the baby is. Don’t expect him to forgive you, start thinking of life without your boyfriend

Collins, 26, married

***

Come clean or forever hold your peace

My, oh my! You have dug your own grave and buried yourself under dirt my dear. To be honest, you aren’t the best person and I don’t think you deserve a nice guy. How dare you have an affair with another guy on the night of your break-up? 

Anyway, put your wicked act aside and find out whether it’s his baby or not. Get his hair sample and go test it. This isn’t the best advice but I presume you wouldn’t want him to find out how much of a naughty girl you are. Otherwise, you will be entangled in another break-up and I pray I am not the unfortunate guy that meets you that night. 

Patrick, 23, in a stable relationship

***

You reap what you sow

Lillian, what can I say? I feel sorry for the guy and honestly I feel nothing for you. How could you stoop so low to have unprotected sex with a guy you just met? It’s reckless and downright stupid.

There’s a possibility that you might have infected the guy you claim to love so much if the guy you slept with is sick. Are you going to sleep with a stranger every time you fight with your boyfriend and temporarily "break-up?” I just can’t rap my head around the fact that you thought sleeping with a stranger was the best way to get over your boyfriend. 

You should learn to live with your consequences. If you love and respect his feelings, sit him down and tell him the truth. Let him make the decision to either break-up with you or stay with you. It’s bad enough that he has to put up with your behaviours, don’t make him raise another man’s child without his knowledge.  

Dean, 28, single