I cannot begin to explain just how disturbing it is for me to even write this. I have been married 10 years now but I knew my husband for almost eight years before we got married so basically, I know him like the back of my hand. Not once in all these years did he ever mention a passion for music.

Yes, he listens to it and has favourite songs like everyone else but that is as far as it goes. However, four months ago he told me he wanted to open a studio to promote young talent. I thought he was joking. I mean, what does he know about being a music producer, the man is a banker for Pete’s sake?

I dismissed it like the bad joke I thought it was but he kept on insisting. One day I came back home and he had turned our garage into a music studio! He had bought equipment and everything.

The worst part is some of the money he used to buy that stuff  was mine as we have a joint account. I know this is a waste of money but he keeps assuring me that it will work. I have no idea what to do.

It has been a month now and he hasn’t signed even one artist. Worse part is his performance at work is going down as he spends more time in his studio - alone! Is this some sort of midlife crisis? How fast will it fade because I am going crazy.

Tina, Kibagabaga

He is a grown man

Your husband who has been a banker for ten years, has finally decided that he has had enough of a career he did not want. He has probably figured that life is too short to keep doing something you do not like. 

His move is obviously a shocker as you have never figured him to be a music producer. The worst part of it is that he has invested money that you had kept in a joint account. You feel like he is flushing your life savings down the drain. 

However, the more pressure you pile on him and feel that he is wasting away your hard earned money, the more he is likely to mess up the savings.

Have you considered what he has to say for a moment? What if he has spotted an opportunity that is more viable than him having a 9 to 5 job? What if he was really meant to be a music producer?

Try giving him support, look more into his new passion, let him feel that you have his hand throughout the way, it will probably bring the best out of him. It will make him keener at it. And who knows, you will probably be married to one of the biggest producers of our time. 

Collins, 26, is married

***

That’s how great businesses start 

The start of a business is usually hard, and needs great financing and a lot of time and dedication which explains the money he used and his underperformance at work. 

It is very normal and I am glad he hasn’t quit his job to focus on only the studio, I think you should make sure he doesn’t since it will bring you backup income. 

This argument is a common problem between spouses. Give it time, show him support and encourage him. 

When the studio kicks off and he starts making money, I believe the money will still be put on the joint account so don’t wait for it to start for you to actually be in support. 

If all the entrepreneurs we have today listened to the cries of their wives at the start of their businesses, we would have very few of them earning what they earn today. 

It’s just the start, show him that you are behind him and ask him to share with you his plan and how he will make money. 

Maybe you will understand more. 

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

***

That’s just ridiculous

I can’t help but feel sorry for you. This man has no respect or consideration for you whatsoever. I mean how can he drain an account and use money you both saved for some scheme he has never even showed interest in before? If he was even half a man, he would’ve said something before just taking money out of the account like a thief. They say life is about risks – I agree. But risks like these, more so at 45, ooze the word ‘disaster’. You have to talk some sense into him and maybe call in a relative or friend or who can help.

Just think about it this way – would you invest some of his money for a scheme of yours without permission? If no, then you have every right to snap. It’s just plain disrespectful. 

Also, there is nothing productive coming out of this. He is underperforming at work, the studio is doing badly and he wasted money (his and yours), plus, he is spending less time with you. Sit him down and thump some sense into him if you must – it’s your life too you know. If that fails, seek external help.

Dean, 28, is single