I spent last weekend in my home town, the elite like to refer to it as upcountry but I call it the village. Please note that it is not your clichéd kind of village, mine has water and electricity but it’s not the facilities present in my village that had taken me there. I was attending an annual function.

On arrival, I heard what sounded like a swarm of bees heading towards the car in which I was, and because it was dark I didn’t quite make out the strange figures running towards us, but it turned out they were human. I still couldn’t figure out for the life of me if it was hospitality, excitement or they were just greedy people that saw every person from the city as an opportunity to get money from them. I was to learn the truth later.

My hunger for gossip got me involved in a captivating conversation with one elderly man whose attempt to have the conversation in English left me in stitches. This conversation was forever to be lodged in my mind. He claimed to have finished his O’ level education at some school in another village but his failure to sustain a conversation in English got me wondering what these village schools teach. Is it the same curriculum as the city schools?

Anyway, the old man assured me how I was a suitable companion for his son who lives in Kampala and offered to come and pay a visit to my grandfather and make a down payment of two million shillings. And after my first child with his son he will then come and pay the remaining one million. To this old man, I was worth three million shillings. I was worth that much because I am a city girl.

This villager made me feel a little worthless for like a minute, I mean three million is what I’m worth? This was about to get really personal. Anyway I attempted to bargain with the man; told him to increase on whatever it is he was offering. I was reminded that I am a city girl who did not deserve anything because city girls are brats and wear miniskirts. 

Anyway, I was utterly shocked when it was time for me to return to the so called ‘evil city’ and this man was part of the crowd that was expecting money from me. In fact he maintained that he had the most problems and needed financial help but I didn’t give a flying goose and just rolled my eyes and left. That should teach him!