My husband and I have been married for a year now and we don’t have any kids. I recently got promoted and couldn’t wait to share the news with him. He seemed genuinely happy at first. Naturally, with the promotion came longer hours at work and less time at home.

I usually like to go back home and cook dinner for him but I haven’t been able to do that in a while. Recently we got into a big fight and he accused me of not caring about him anymore.  He then proceeded to tell me that after a year of marriage we should be working on starting a family.

I really love the thought of kids, but I want to build my career first. The strangest part is that we talked about this before getting married and I told him that I wanted to work on my career before having kids and he claimed he was okay with it. Now apparently he changed his mind!

He even went as far as emotional blackmail and said that if I love him I will put his needs first and give him a baby! I have no idea what to do because I am not ready for a baby...not yet.

Angela

Try to find common ground

First, congratulations on your achievement. 

Work obviously takes up most of your time and you might have unconsciously reduced the attention that you have been giving your husband. 

But it is probably time you found a middle ground for your relationship. You should probably have an understanding between you and your husband that the new title at work will require you to do more and will take up more time compared to your previous position.

It is understandable that your husband could be feeling ignored and smaller with your rise in ranks and money. You have probably reduced the time you allocate him and in the process made him feel ignored leading him to think that the best way to tame you is by getting you pregnant. If that is not the case, he is probably just jealous and can’t handle your success.  

Re-evaluate your recent past considering if you reduced the attention you previously allocated him. It is probably also time to consider if the job is worth your marriage or if the marriage is worth the job, I hope you won’t have to choose between the two. 

Collins, 26, is married

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Family always comes first

Establish your happiness before you spend the rest of your life working. Yes I agree career is a very important aspect in life but don’t forget that the most important thing of all is your family. 

You got married by choice right? And now you aren’t ready for kids? Okay, that is fine but the fact that you haven’t even cooked dinner in a while is way too strange. 

Wanting to get better at your career never ends, every time you are promoted you will always want to get promoted and this isn’t going to stop anytime soon. But my question is who says you can’t build your career as you start a family? 

There are lots of women out there working and raising kids at the same time. It’s about setting your mind to do it. Otherwise you will end up ‘not ready’ for the rest of your life. 

I just have one final question for you. Fast forward to the future; will you regret the urge to climb the corporate ladder or that you spent priceless time making your family happy? When you get the answer to that, do what is needed.

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

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You are wife not a housemate 

Angela, it is wonderful that you want to build your career but you are being selfish here. You are losing your family at the expense of your job which will not comfort you once, God forbid; you are fired.

Your husband promised you would build your career before having babies but surely, you know how minds work at such times (not clearly). Having a change of heart is something normal and maybe it is for the better.

Wake up before it’s too late and take good care of your husband. Give him babies and build your home. You won’t have stability at work if you don’t have it at home. Marriage is mainly about supporting, loving each other and having babies - not career building.

He has supported you till you got your big break, now reciprocate the support and give him a baby. Maybe it’s a good thing that you don’t have children because I shudder when I think how hopeless they will be with an ever-absent mother.

One successful person said while on his deathbed that his only regret is not having spent more time with his family. Hope it doesn’t happen to you too. 

Dean, 28, is single