During the Valentine’s weekend, I stayed at home all by myself, bored and broke.

I had just received the boot from my ICT boss because he was not very amused when I returned from Burundi empty handed. He had made a loss as I had used up all the allowances for an unproductive trip to Buja. 

So, during valentine’s weekend, I continued to sulk alone in a corner reminiscing on the good old days. Last week, I told you how a certain Kibonge had been exposed when he tried to please two ladies at ago. This week, I want to share with you what happened to Aggrey and me over 15 years ago on a certain Valentine’s night.

On that particular Valentine ’s Day, our male friends tipped us about a mega party that was taking place in Kiyovu. Their advice to us was that we had to dodge our girlfriends at any cost because the party at Kiyovu was loaded! 

Wow! Was that true? So Aggrey and I decided to cook up some stories. We were determined not to go out with our Valentines. For us, this was a golden opportunity to mingle with these very attractive ladies who were as free as birds. If we were to go along with our nagging girlfriends, we would be deprived of serious optical nutrition.

So, Aggrey and I hatched up a plan. We decided that we would both fall sick and stay in bed. The sickness that we created was called mumps. This is a highly contagious disease which turns your face into a roundish ball.

The traditional medicine for such diseases is that one smears himself with soot! This ensures that the patient looks like a baboon, black and round! We then assured our chicks that we had contracted this terrible disease from Gikondo and we were shivering in our beds "Please do not come near us otherwise you will follow suit!” But the ladies insisted that since they were so much in love with us, they had to visit us and watch from a distance.

OK! We were forced to fine tune our plan. This meant that we had to hire 2 house boys and smear them with the soot. We told them to tuck themselves under the blankets and make sure that they didn’t reveal their true identities. As for us, we fled of for the Valentine’s party! Later that night, our chicks came to our house to check on their patients. Indeed the houseboys were in bed shivering with their funny looking faces smeared with soot! They whispered to the ladies about their sickness and warned them against coming closer.

Engulfed by pity, our ladies decided to leave us alone and find something else that would distract them from this misery. So they decided to attend a serious Valentine’s party in town. Ooops! This happened to be the same party that we had gone for! And there we were guzzling booze like there was no tomorrow! Our chain keepers approached the dancing floor and were shocked to see their two sick guys performing a ‘paka chini’ stint. Indeed, we had been caught red handed. Sanctions followed for the next 3 months..