Guilt has been eating away at me for a year and a half since my son passed in one of the most bizarre circumstances. I blamed our house maid for it. 

My son Jaime was two years old at the time of his death. My husband and I had been married for five years but we had decided to wait so that we first save up enough money to make sure our children had a bright future. But all this has since faded away. I had always promised myself to provide a safe environment but over time I got comfortable and forgot my obligations. 

By two, Jaime had started making baby steps, he would fall occasionally but he would stand up again. I had just used the bathroom that led to another door where we did the ironing from. My husband showered and I entered the bathroom next with total disregard to the water that was flowing under the door heading into the ironing room. Apart from the door coming through from the master bathroom, there was another door from the outside. 

After bathing, I went back to the bedroom to grab my clothes to iron, as it always was, Jaime was following me around. After ironing I picked him up and went with him to the bedroom, played with him a bit, I dressed up, grabbed my bag and took off but before I reached the door I remembered that I might have left the flat iron unplugged. 

Absentmindedly, I mumbled some stuff to the maid but I don’t think I made any sense to her because I was receiving a phone call and trying to speak louder than Jaime’s cries. I went about my work as usual but around 11pm I received a frantic call from the maid saying Jaime was not breathing and the neighbour was taking them to a nearby hospital. I grabbed my car keys and called my husband en-route to the hospital. 

Reaching the hospital, the doctor told me Jaime had died the minute he pulled the flat iron from the ironing board into the water where he was found. My husband arrived shortly, took one look at me and said "I love you”. I couldn’t believe what he had just said at that moment; he asked me what had happened and I lied that it was the maid’s fault. She was negligent and now it had cost us our baby. 

After his words, I couldn’t come around to admit that it was my fault entirely. I was in such haste  to get to work that I didn’t care to clean the bathroom, unplug the flat iron or even give the maid stern instructions to clean up the room well knowing that we have a baby at home. I fired the maid but I still feel the guilt and have even failed to sleep with my husband, I’m depressed and frustrated. I don’t know what my husband would do if he found out.  

As told to Karemera Dean