This weekend I had a good conversation with a friend about the reason women feel the need to have children and if it is a deal breaker for me when I enter a serious relationship.

The conversation kind of caught me off guard because for the longest time, I believed that I would not be one to have children and I would simply be a great aunt and would give my life to my career and serving people. As I entered and exited a few different relationships, my views changed and I may have felt that clock tick and an actual want to bring life into this world.

My friend asked me if I felt that I would have failed as a woman if I chose not to bring life into this world. Personally, I would not feel this way but do worry about how I would be perceived in our Rwandan society since great value is put on marriage and raising children. 

We joked that children really take from you both in material and non-material ways but really just give you back stress, joy and other types of mental states especially the way the world is going. At least back in the day the more children you had, the more help around the house you had, but most kids go off on their own by the age of 18 and only come back for holidays.

The times I have felt positive about bearing children is when I have been in a good relationship with someone and we maybe talked about a future and I could really see it happening. This only happened once and we broke up on good terms.  Anyway, I could really see us being good partners and providing for little ones that will go on to do good in the world and make us proud.

When I’m single though that is another story. I believe that I could live without children and focus more on career, travel and my family and get the same gratification especially if I have nieces and nephews.

The reason I worry about what society would think about me if I chose the latter is because I have seen how they treat the unmarried and childless. These opinions affect you in the work place and socially which is not something you should have to deal with as a woman. Ladies, it would be great to hear your thoughts on this so please share.