I have been dating this guy for a year and a half now. He is sweet, kind, caring and considerate, loving and respectful - in short, a seriously wonderful man. A few months back, he proposed. I have never been happier. However, there is just one problem - my father can’t stand him.

I have tried to get him to see that my boyfriend is a good man but he stubbornly refuses to think so. He is obsessed with the thought of me marrying a boy I grew up with but I don’t love him.

We are just friends. Now he is threatening not to attend my wedding and I can’t have that. How do I make my father realize that I’m with the love of my life? I really need my fiancée and father to get along or I will never be truly happy.

Brenda, Gikondo

All good things are tested

Your father not liking your boyfriend could be out of previous experience with people of his kind, or because he has a ‘sixth sense’, or because he knows something about him that you do not.

You might be tempted to ignore your old man and proceed to tie the knot with your boyfriend, but what if your father knows something that you don’t that might have an impact?

What if you are related and your father lacks the guts to tell you?

What if the guy has a rough past that your old man can’t bear to tell you about?

It is probably best to first understand the reasons for your father’s objection. As a parent he probably has the best of intentions for you and is honestly driven by love.

After listening to his reasons for objecting, you will have a base for your next step. If his reasons are something as irrelevant as the family background of the boy, you can rest knowing that you are making the right decision.

All good things are tested; your old man skipping your wedding should not keep you up at night if you are sure you are doing the right thing.

Collins, 26, married

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Get other family members to intervene

It breaks my heart to hear such bad news. As a person who is in a stable relationship I know firsthand what it feels to love and be loved and I know how it hurts when your folks don’t appreciate your spousal choice. In this age and era, parents should be able to understand the choices that their children make and be able to hold a decent discussion with them but it’s usually not the case. 

Sit down with your father and talk over this issue, if necessary ask your mum, aunt, uncle or any other trusted adult to help you talk to your father. 

Explain that you can’t marry someone you don’t love; this is your wedding and marriage. Unless he wants you to be miserable for the rest of your life, he should be able to understand. 

Lastly, tell him that there’s no guarantee that you will love the boy he wants you to marry neither will you be loved the way your fiancé loves you. He needs to see that look in your eyes that says you know what you are doing or he will forever try to protect you. He means well. Good luck. 

Patrick, 22, in a stable relationship

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Listen to your father 

Ever heard the saying "girls marry their fathers? If you have then you should start considering what your father is telling you. 

I take it that you look up to your father since you care so much to have him attend your wedding and it bothers you that he doesn’t like your fiancé. 

Have you tried to find out why he doesn’t like your fiancé?  Maybe there’s something that he knows which he is not prepared to share with you for reasons known to him. Right now you are blinded by love and can’t think straight. 

Being in a relationship for a year and a half is nothing compared to having the blessing of your father. Our grandparents married each other without ever having met but they built strong homes that still survive to date in comparison to today’s marriages that last a few years yet we had time to get to know each other. 

You can either miss out on your father’s blessing or heed his advice. I pray you choose the latter.  

You might think you know what you are doing but make no mistake about it, your father knows best.

Dean, 28, single