I have been single for about two years now. I have a great job and I pay my bills comfortably. Simply, life is good. The problem, however, is I can’t get over my past relationship. I broke up with my ex because I didn’t trust him but whenever something new develops with someone; I start thinking about my ex. What can I do? There is this new guy who I am trying to date; he is really great but I am just not there. I am not getting any younger so I really need to move on but I just can’t seem to. What should I do?

Sera, 29

It was good while it lasted, now move on

The heart is not so smart; it is poor at judgment and wants what is not good for it. Yours is at that phase. You want someone who probably mistreated you and you didn’t have any trust for him.

You think that he is best for you despite the past experience. It is time you stopped living in the past and looked into the future realising that you are not getting any younger and you could be spoiling some good chances for yourself out there.

Your ex is probably having the time of his life without you as you keep on thinking about him. It was good while it lasted, time to move on and see what the future holds.

Being an independent lady has nothing to do with you being single; money won’t cuddle you at night.

Whenever you meet someone you like stop comparing him to what you previously had, look at him as someone new who can make you happy and take care of you. If you compare everyone, you will never be happy.

Collins, 26, is married

You are not ready to date again

They say you can’t get to the next chapter without closing the previous one. You are meeting amazing guys but you will never realise just how great they are until you close the chapter your ex features in.

I don’t think you should focus on dating right now because you are clearly not ready. Focus more on getting over your ex and work on building you. Then eventually, you will move on smoothly. 

With this, it will be easy to get into the next relationship without silly thoughts of the past. Not every guy is the same; some are much better than others so whatever happened with your ex isn’t going to happen again. You did leave him because you couldn’t trust him so just leave it at that. 

Right now you are independent and that’s great. 

Give it time. I know you said you are not getting any younger and that’s true, so get him out of your head fast. Good luck.

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship.