It’s happened again. Just when you thought you were done with attracting yet another guy with commitment issues, you’ve found yourself yet again in a relationship with an incredible guy that has all the wonderful potential only you can see, if only he would commit!

A couple of days back, I discussed with a few friends online about some guys and their fear of commitment. This one chick apparently had a boyfriend whom she loved to death; she was convinced he was the one and that they would actually spend the rest of their lives together.

Okay, first of all, we have got to stop doing that! I’m not saying it is wrong to fall in love or programme our minds into thinking we have found ‘the one’ but we shouldn’t depend on it entirely unless he has really given us reason to. I mean, who thinks of wedding bells when a guy hasn’t even asked you to move in with him or at least meet his folks or so much as smiled when a friend mentioned marriage? See what I mean?

Anyway, so this girl was upset that after the guy wasted five years of her good life, they broke up because he claimed he wasn’t ready for marriage like she was, only for him to get married about a year later! I would be angry too. What the hell is that? At least tell me I’m not ‘marriage material’ – it’s harsh but it’s better than saying you are not the marriage type only to wed someone else a year after we break up!

  Normally I hate it when people say ‘so and so wasted my time’ because let’s face it, you were both in the relationship but this guy, oh yeah, he really wasted her time. I get that she probably wasn’t the girl he wanted to marry but did he have to wait five years to realise it?

Naturally, after a few failed relationships in the course of that year, she developed a different opinion of men…for starters, if he’s going to come around, it will be when he’s ready and not on her timetable.   Also, some men really don’t know when or if they’ll ever be ready for the commitment she’s looking for. 

An attempt to convince her that his inability to commit might not have had anything to do with her fell on deaf ears. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked. "We dated five years and he insisted that marriage was not for him. But one year after we breakup he miraculously joined the marriage believers? Don’t be weird!”

In general, she is forced to believe that for couples who have dated a while, if he hasn’t come around by now, he’s not going to anytime soon. Take heart sisters, that’s just her. Men don’t think the same. Some brothers know what they want, go after it and put a ring on it - as easy as that. Others like to play around before age catches up with them and they are forced to settle down. And others, well, let’s just say the pleasures that come with not being officially tied to anyone are too great to resist.

Another friend suggested that maybe it was about age. But is there really any particular common age that any man decides he is finally tired of being alone and will be ready to commit? There are guys in their 20’s and some in their 60’s still not ready to commit - I should know - I have a relative well on his way to the 80-year-old non committer.

It might be easier said than done, but after fighting so hard to be the woman he proposes to and it still doesn’t work, let him go, walk away and commit to loving, respecting and caring for yourself more than he ever could. Someone’s got to, right?