Is everyone as shocked as me that it’s Christmas, which means that it’s pretty much the end of the year? I know we say this every year but this year went by quick, and to be honest, I can’t wait for what 2014 has in store for me. I guess before I get there, I have to deal with all the gifts with family, and friends.

The other day, I read an article about how men and women in relationships should not exchange gifts until they are married. One of the arguments came from a relationship expert who believed that the only man in her life who could buy her gifts was her father and then later her husband but never a boyfriend. I think she was more concerned with also the cost of these gifts. She didn’t want any man other than her father buying her luxury items.

The author of the article stated that maybe because she didn’t grow up with a father who could give her everything, she did not mind receiving expensive gifts from her partner, married or not, because she just saw it as part of the relationship and plus she could not ask family for chanel purses but could definitely ask the man she loved for such items.

Gifts have always been a weird thing for me. I love when people buy me things but I dislike the feeling that they went out of their way to get me this item, expensive or not. So when it comes to boyfriends, its even worse. I love that they get to know me and will choose something that they know I will like but sometimes they have it all types of wrong.

On a day to day basis, I don’t change my jewellery, I wear the same studs and watch pretty much everyday and maybe change it up on the weekend but usually not. My partner at some point, assumed all women enjoyed jewellery and decided that I’m the type of girl to wear bejewelled necklaces and fancy dangling earrings. I loved them and really tried to incorporate them in my outfits to work to make him happy.

Slowly, these items moved to permanently the jewellery box and this was very much noticed but I tried to explain to him that it simply wasn’t my style but my the second expensive jewellery purchase, I had to explain that he wasn’t being true to himself because he knew me better than that and I didn’t care if the gift cost Rwf5000 or whatever as long as it showed he listened or knew me. The next gift was a copy of my favourite book. And I loved it.

Gifts should mean something. My partner may be great at gifts while I am on the other horrible. I like to help people out during certain binds. For example, I will hear him stress about his car or his laptop or something expensive and will offer to pay to fix it or contribute to the cost of it. For the special occasions, I may plan a great dinner or surprise him with something small. Gifts should not be about the cost, it should be a sign of showing that you know that person and knew they would love this item.

It goes back to the conversation from last week about communication. Don’t just hear your boyfriend talk about something and assume he wants the exact same thing, it could be small or big, cheap or expensive, as long as you know he will actually be surprised you cared enough to listen.

What are your beliefs on gift giving within relationships?