I’m currently 21 years old but my story started when I was 18. In 2000, I had a crush on a guy for two years but with help from a friend, I was able to learn that he also had the same feelings for me but was afraid to ask me out.

Well, you know that happiness. After a thorough research about each other through several friends, he finally decided to ask me out in September 2012 and at dinner he asked me to be his girlfriend which made me swoon. It was worth the wait. We dated for a little more than a year. During that time, we travelled together, went swimming, held hands everywhere, had dinner every week and talked to each other on a daily basis. We did everything that new love-birds do and it wasn’t hard to notice the chemistry even to strangers. I actually lost my virginity to him because I felt it was the one thing I could give him to know how special he was to me. It all happened in one year and it also happened that I was completing my secondary education. I was scared about joining university in another country because my parents wanted to take me to Kenya. This would create a whole different dimension for our love. He would meet new people but I always felt secure since I knew that he loved me. I convinced my parents that I wanted to study in Rwanda and they agreed but after many fights. That’s when everything took another turn. He became less communicative but I brushed it off thinking that he is busy with since he was offering Medicine. So I gave him some space. One day, he travelled to Kigali and he had a brand new and expensive phone and when I was going through his pictures I landed on one with him and another girl. He told me the girl was his best friend and since he didn’t even twitch, I took him for his word.  She was so pretty and I wanted to see the pictures but his phone rang and I didn’t get another chance to look at them.In May this year, he lent me his phone to use over the weekend because I had taken mine for repair but he did not sign out his Facebook account. I decided to check my Facebook account on his phone and I saw a notice for a message and absent-mindedly I clicked on it thinking it was mine and that’s when I got the shock of my life.

The girl he claimed to be his best friend had sent him a message that after reading made me tremble.  My heart was heavy. It was one of the lovey-dovey things that couldn’t be mistaken as best friends’ talk. Tears rolled down my eyes, the whole situation was heart wrenching. I didn’t confront him immediately for fear of losing him but it wasn’t long before he told me that it was all over. But ever since he knew that girl, he stopped texting and calling me as much as did before, he compared me to his best friend and made my self confidence die.We broke up the day before our one year anniversary in September and it really hurt a lot. I asked God why was he spreading love between other people but only offering me sorrow. Honestly, I’m not over him yet and the whole situation is hard on me.

I’ve indulged in alcohol, drugs and even put my studies on hold but all this has only culminated in getting me more heart-broken. The men I’ve met so far only want to use me and I never get to see them again, I’ve lost my confidence and trust in men. Coming across his pictures always never fail to make me tear up. Till now, I’m trying to fight this sorrow deep in me. I hope that I can keep myself strong for now. I wish I had taken up the chance to go to Kenya when my parents wanted me to go.