I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought he was too unserious with life and our future. It’s been nine months now and he isn’t dating and neither am I. Today he is more serious than I thought and I feel like he is now the man for me though I broke his heart really bad. I don’t know what to do. Should I just move on or should I fight to get him back? What if he doesn’t love me anymore?

Juliet, 25

You give women a bad name!

Juliet, no offence but you don’t seem to have been committed to him or in love with him, why else would you leave a guy and cite lack of seriousness?

Rather than help him be the man he should be, you walked on and let him be and now that he seems to be succeeding, you want him. That is selfishness and entitlement. You want what is groomed but don’t want to do the grooming yourself.

When you see him as successful and focused you want to get back together though you dumped him. There is nothing to fight for, let the man be, he has managed to put himself together in your absence in nine months and is still working at it. 

I am not sure he still loves you, but do not try and use his loneliness as a chance to find your way back with him. 

Whatever drives you, I may not understand but it is characters like you who give women a bad name.

Collins, 26, is married

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If you still love him, go for it

I think you should go for it, but let me first lecture you. First of all, relationships aren’t about how you started dating, they are about how you grow together to build a bond that is unbreakable. 

If you had taken your time and talked to him instead of breaking his heart to find someone more serious (someone you may never even find) maybe you guys would have done a lot in those nine months together. Being unserious is common among men but at a certain age they mature and become responsible. 

I really pray he still has the burning flame for you like he did before though I doubt his trust is still at the level it was before. Bottom line is you should fight for what you really love, if you still want him then don’t be scared. GO FOR IT. Life is only once and you need to be happy.

Patrick, 22, is in stable relationship

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Give it a shot

It’s always good to give something a shot and fail other than not trying at all and live with regrets or wishing you had. I  have a feeling that  if you broke up with him for the right reason, chances are he will be willing to forget the past and take you back; maybe you even helped him realise he needed to take life a little more seriously. Talk to him; do not shy away from something that could turn out great.

However, if we can be honest for  minute, it does seem like you dumped him for being a failure and now want him back because he is a success. Normally, that wouldnt look right but hey, who are we to judge? You know each other better. Talk to him. Let him know why you did what you did and tell him you are proud of what he has accomplished. It might not happen immediately, but he’’ll eventually come around.

Martin, 29, is single